You gonna eat that?

So I realize that I have given a awful lot of attention to the unsavory things my sons eats but being that this is such a recurring problem and the list of offensive items seems to be growing I feel compelled to touch on the subject once again.

Before I delve into the most recent ick let's do a recap of where we are to date so we can all be on the same page:

#1. And I think fair to say, the grossest technically of all, is poop.  He has eaten many forms and multiple times.  After seeing the face Mya made after eating dog excrement at a tender 10 months, I thought he would be a "one and done" like she was.  Evidently he liked the tasted and felt he needed to go back for seconds...and thirds.  How about just ONE more time for good measure?  For the record I do believe the foulest of all occurrences was at about 12 months.  We let him run around sans diaper for no more than a half an hour.  In this time span he "let loose" (literally) on the back deck and proceeded to stick his hand in it.  Hubba Hubba sat there in awe while I ran to the kitchen for reinforcements.  Never in a million years did I expect the boy to take hand from puddle and put it to lips!  I can still feel the horror.  I wince with remembrance...

#2. Mentioned in an earlier blog...The Candle Stick.  Now, while nowhere NEAR the level of disgust as the aforementioned item, I found this to be disturbing because of his unrelenting intention to get that sucker down the pipes!  The sticktoitiveness he exhibited to ingest a non-food item was a tad alarming.

#3. And perhaps least worrisome is dog food.  It's there, it's in a bowl, it's good enough for the favorite pup.  Why NOT eat it?  I suppose the easy answer to this is that it's gross but you couldn't convince him of this.

#4. Play-doh.  Again, something I thought would be a one time try and discard.  Unbelievably mere moments before the offense in question he tried to eat some Play-doh at Mya's pre-school.  I would be hard pressed to believe he even had the taste of that out of his mouth before this final feast.  I am now questioning whether I feed this kid enough.  I suppose I can explore that in a later session...

So now we are fairly up to speed.  I am leaving out the minor things like sand and bath water because I have just come to embrace these and accept that he is going to try to consume them whenever I turn my head (which quite obviously is VERY frequently as he has racked up an overly extensive resume and he isn't even 2) But I digress...

So as we are leaving Mya's pre-school he begs to go over to a tree to pluck some "blueberries."  This is not an actual blueberry tree, but a pine variety with somewhat purplish little nuggets growing from it.  Mya has over time grown a deep and incessant desire to go to said tree and retrieve a "blueberry" for her ride home. She covets, plays, pets and discards.  Therefore, being the little brother and having to be exactly like his sister, he has developed the same obsession.  They have together, pulled "foliage and fruit" no less than 92 times.  We see these bushes on our walks as well and each and every time we stop.  And each and every time I give the same speech. "Ok, now you can look at the berries but DO NOT EAT THEM."  They each give me The Nod and proceed.  Mya has never given me any cause for concern.  After her fecal endeavor she has not once questioned my judgement in the battle of "What is consumable and what is not consumable."  The boy version is clearly another story.  I proceed to put him in his car seat and carry on down the road at which point I hear varied octaves of the German-inspired "Echh!" (he has somehow picked that up as the favored expression of disgust)  Now, I have never heard him make this noise with any of the other items on the list so I am puzzled.  What could he possibly have eaten to make him so adamant?  And then it hits me that he has broken the cardinal rule and eaten the forbidden fruit (and accompanying foliage).  I spent the next ten minutes of the car drive listening to him spit, hack, Echh and squirm.  He made faces that I have never seen a toddler make before and in watching him I joined with the facial disgust.  He went so far as to insert a finger into his mouth and dig the pine OUT of his teeth!!  Another first for me as, in my previous experience, kids either spit the $h!t out and move on or swish a beverage to eradicate the ewww.  He literally could not STAND having this mess in his mouth and proceeded to reel in all known tools for relief.  I guess I just didn't realize that "pick your teeth" was already committed to the toddler arsenal of options.  And all I could do is laugh and assure him that I wasn't lying when I said he shouldn't eat the tree.  I guess this lesson has learned me that I shall never trust this boy with anything small enough to be placed in his mouth.  Soap, flowers, deodorant...nothing is sacred.  From here on out they shall all be deemed potential food sources.  Luckily there were no adverse reactions, vomiting, rashes, etc. so it was a relatively cheap lesson.  But I must say one thing--when I went to retrieve him from his car seat I smelled his breath and it was no less than taxi-cab-fresh! Never again will I question The Power of Pine!

**Post Script** I've now, officially, seen it all!...Woke up this morning to the aroma of pine-scented poop!  Are you kidding me!?  Seriously?  NO WAY!  My mouth will be agape for the next hour!