Girl's Gone WILD!

I just needed to say out loud that the past 24 hours are ones I don't wish to duplicate anytime soon.  I am sure they will resurface.  Check that...I KNOW they will resurface.  They will probably be 10 times more dramatic than what I just experienced.  This is a fact that I have learned to accept and embrace.  But not the long, romantic "embrace" you might be thinking.  More like the "Please stop touching me" hug that you are entitled to give certain individuals in your life.  You know the one.

So I just get done spouting off about what a sweet little angel I have in a gal and I shit you not, someone swooped in and snatched that right out of her.  Stole it for their own.  It must have been one of the people in the grocery swooning over her princess costume.  And then I start to wonder...has there been any research conducted on female offspring and their mother's going through the "grumpies" together during that beloved segment of each moon?  I would be willing to fork over some tax dollars to that kind of study.  I have a hypothesis of my own.  At least I would have something to blame her psychosis on and not feel like such a failure of a mom. 

I just don't see how she could go from this happy, cooperative, sweet, loving little being to a total train wreck in the course of a day.  She woke up pissed off on Monday that she couldn't have a milkshake for breakfast!  My first thought was, "What the hell are you smoking?"  Note this was only a "thought," not something I actually uttered.  She literally cried for 30 minutes about this.  That must have been one hell of a milkshake dream that she had awoken from.  Then we got home from pre-school and it was just down hill from there.  It was as though she had lost her mind somewhere along the way.  "No" was the answer to everything.  When bedtime came I thought fire might come from her eyes.  She was so adamant that she not go to bed and so resistant to walking upstairs that the litany started.  Running room to room hoping to dodge the bullet.  Meanwhile I am taking away items like it was a yard sale.  This just pissed her off and made her more certain that she was NOT going to bed. 

Once I got her upstairs the pajama shenanigans ensued.  Legs and lungs a-flying!  At one point I got a size 9 right to the chin and decided something else had to go.  I requisitioned "her love" (a sweet necklace her cousin Krystal gave her to symbolize their love so she could have it with her all the time--her true FAVE) she LOST it.  I thought certainly removing this special token would get her to realize just how serious I was.  It did nothing of the sort.  Then she started offering things for me to take!  "Here, take my glow stick, take my dress."  Really?  No one wants yard sale items pushed on them.  They want to find them like a needle in a haystack.  They want to come upon the item so unsuspecting and take it to the front only to have the seller say "OH NO!  Not that.  How did THAT get out here?  It's not for sale."  She was saying no such thing.  I'm thinking she is working Jedi mind tricks on me.  I am just desperate to get her teeth brushed and get her to sleep as this is clearly the issue--exhaustion, right?  So I somehow get the toothbrush in her mouth, all the while she is foaming, screaming and saying "None teeth brushed!"  I trek on.  I wasn't sure if I might lose a digit in the process with this feisty pit bull but I was willing to take a chance.  Finally, the necessities are complete and I go to walk out thinking she just wants/needs some time alone.  Walking out sends her reeling even more so.  Now I am worried that she is going to wake the midgetier midget and then I will REALLY lose it.  So I enter again, saying "Ok, what do I need to take now?" to which she replies "NOTHING!"  I swear I heard a hint of Linda Blair in her voice.  Possession would make sense at this point.  Call in the priest.  But on she carries with the wailing so I remove her nightlight which I am thinking may, in fact, be an issue.  Read a study on how the presence of dull light in a room of sleep leads to depression.  The study didn't mention schizophrenia.  When I took her "book reading light" she about popped a gasket.  Then I went downstairs to leave her to her devices.  She exited her room and I could her the pitter pat of tiny feet up above.  I scurried up the stairs to see what was going on and she ran back to her room.  Stood at the door for about 3 minutes as I knew she would be coming out again soon.  All the while she is talking to herself in code and I am sure wishing horrific things on me.  Finally, she came out.  Finding me in her threshold she meekly and quietly says "Hi mommy."  MJ is that YOU?  Are you back?  Have the demons released you?  I almost hugged her but thought better of it. This may be yet another trap.  She simply said "I can't find silky (her beloved blanket).  She's no where to be found. Can you help me?" to which I reply "Ummm, sure. [then decided I should insert my bargaining chip here] If I find silky will you lay down and go to sleep?" and she says "Oh yes mommy I will go right to sleep.  No more fits or crying or naughty."  So the blanket was retrieved and the night was over.  Whew--this kid exhausts me.

So I am thinking after a good night's sleep she will wake up a new kid and we will have a new day...orrrr we can just pick up where we left off from last night.  Went to return a switch to Office Maxx and decided this wasn't really a cart-worthy situation.  5 minutes tops.  Well, the kid behind the counter wasn't so adept in her item return skills and my littles were onto that like flies on shattner.  They quickly saw the aisles of the office store looking like laps of NASCAR and took to running.  I kept giving the Office girl my desperation face of "Hurry or they may break something expensive!" and she was soo not feeling it.  I tried voice commands to no avail.  I can't really blame the Mr...he is just along for the ride.  He just goes along with what his sister is doing.  And each time I called her back she would stop, look at me, smile her devilish grin and continue, knowing full well that my hands were tied and there would be no issue until my transaction was complete.  I was so infuriated that I couldn't even see straight.  Cross-eyed with anger the cashier finally finished her business and sent me on my way.  I then headed to retrieve my herd.  Upon seeing my release the elder darted.  She took her "laps" to new avenues.  Could the aisle BE any longer?  I think not.  She ran all the way to the back of the store and the little man was not much further behind.  I was trying not to sprint and give the other customers cause for concern.  Don't know why I actually cared what they thought of my horrible parenting abilities but I wanted to keep the urgency to myself. Finally caught Senorita Disaster Child and gave her a stern talking to...she laughed!  This is NOT my daughter, I thought.  She took off again...she went one way he went the other...he's catching on quick to this little game.  I had copies to make so I figured I'd let them run while I did that.  Perhaps exercise is what they were needing.  But alas, it came time to leave and the bi-directional scamper continued.  I finally chased down the smaller of the two, picked him up (legs kicking all the while) and then proceeded to give the female a chance to leave the store with dignity.  She scoffed at my request so I just said "Ok see ya later.  We're leaving."  Walked away and never looked back.  Oddly she wasn't calling me on this one and decided to follow.  I then raged the entire way home about how disappointed I was, what a poor example she was setting for her brother and how they were both going to be spending some time alone when we got home.  She was not impressed.

So we got home and as promised Chase went straight to his crib.  Funny how the doctors suggest 1 minute for each year they are old.  He is 20 months old and I have done the math to incorporate those extra seconds!  Anyway, she goes to her room and begins taking off her store outfit and putting on another.  The Mr. had since been released from prison and was wanting in on the mix.  For no more reason than it felt like the right thing to do at the time she hauled off and kicked him in the chest.  I laughed in disbelief and proceeded to take both the newly requested attire and every single book I have ever purchased her.  For some reason, physical abuse sends me through the rafters.  She then decided she needed some time to be in her room and reset the computer.  She had obviously short-circuited.

The next hour was OK and then I made the mistake of inviting her to shower.  When I turned off the water to get out you would have thought that I had ripped her toe nails out through her nostrils.  She sat in the shower, wet and clothes less for 15 minutes screaming.  I again, laughed in disbelief.  Luckily we were saved by the arrival of her cousins for a bon voyage dinner.  My nephew is moving and we thought we should have a little meal for him.  My niece also joined in the reindeer games and the afternoon was awesome.  The Mr. and Ms. Mini were in heaven, as "cousin time" is always a good time. 

So I am cringing at what today will bring.  As I write this, Ms. came downstairs from her slumber and cuddled in my lap.  She notified me that she thinks I am a "good mom" and she loves me.  NO CLUE where this came from and I really don't care.  At least I have her fooled and she likes me for the time being.  I am just realizing today is the 1st of December and time to hang the much-awaited 1st ornament on the beautiful Advent calendar that Grandma Susan made.  Maybe this is the start of something good?  Hope this month brings the beauty and magic that it should!  Happy December 1st.  Wish me luck...I'm goin' in! :)