NOW I've seen everything!

After practically hearing e-crickets after my Crash Test Dummy post I am admittedly VERY hesitant about this next segment. I am getting some idea that this boy may not be just be a "cookie cutter boy" but I'm going to give it one more shot in hopes that someone out there has had something remotely similar occur. This is a very large risk as after the situation at hand I actually uttered the words "Now I've seen EVERYTHING!" Either someone will say "Oh that's nothin'!" or I will be sent oodles of numbers to child psychologists ready and capable of  looking into the mind of this midget. My hope is that I don't eventually become so desensitized to these antics that I miss my window of intervention for mental help. Having these things documented when they are fresh in my mind should prove helpful for any diagnostic process they may embark on. All this to say is I am SO happy that they didn't have the Internet when I was growing up because if even half of his antics are genetic my mom's e-diary of my misdeeds would have no doubt been lengthy.

So again, this one takes place in the shower. One of Hubba's co-workers kissed him yesterday and as she snuggled in she noticed his smell. Her words were, "Ohhhhh you smell sooo good! JUST like a boy!" She went back for a second sniff and looked to be in maternal bliss. I had to know what she was smelling. I questioned if he smelt like"baby" and she said "No, he smells like poop and I love it! Reminds me of what my boy used to smell like." I have to say that I was a little confused but I suppose one day I will read this again and know exactly what she is talking about. Needless to say this left me with the urgency to wash off that "Cute Boy Poop Smell" in exchange for some Burt's Bees loveliness.

Right when we jumped in I scrubbed him up and took care of the necessities. The kids have shower toys so they can be entertained while we actually get some time for cleanliness as well. Unfortunately, the toys were a bit limited yesterday. A tiny pretend plastic frying pan from the play kitchen and a tiny pretend drinking cup about the length of your middle finger with the circumference of a golf ball. Not big but I guess, big enough.

So he is sparkled and rinsed and I leave him to his play tea party down below. I filled his cup a couple times with water and he continued to requisition more. I finally left him to fend for his own water and started in with my cleansing. I got as far as my hair before I looked down to see what he was up to. It's always a good sign that when things have gone quiet attention is needed. But he was literally 3 inches away from me. The shower noise couldn't drown anything out that much, right? HA.

What I encountered next was something of the show Jackass. Evidently he had grown tired of waiting for his little cup to fill with the hit-or-miss droplets from the shower head above and decided to "fill er up" on his own. When I looked down I noted that the color in the cup matched NOTHING that he had access to--I took pause. My eyes MUST be playing tricks on me. Then he raised his goblet for a taste of the "home brew" and quickly removed it from his lips in an erratic way leading me to KNOW that my eyes were not deceiving me. I hastily snatched the cup from him and begged to know, "Did you pee in this!?!?" He just looked up at me, eyes flushing with shower stream, lashes drenched and heavy. So I asked in another manner, "Is this pee in your cup?" No look this time. No words. I tried to "feel" it through the cup but clearly any liquid, be it shower water or urine would have the same relative temperature. The cup that it was in was gray in color so I couldn't positively ID this substance in its container. I came to the place where I realized pouring it down the drain was the only way. As I poured the "tea" out of the cup and it fell against the stark whiteness of the shower floor the circumstances were revealed--the kid peed in his cup...AND tried to drink it.

Ugh even as I write and re-read these words I wonder if he is OK. 1st his myriad of solid "food" offenses, now this. I was just in an ultra long post office line by myself on Saturday morning and got to talking to a lady in front of me who had a little ornery boy of her own. The 80 year old woman behind us joined in the conversation of kids as well and shared her history and experience with the boy vs. girl varieties. The younger woman told of some minuscule thing her boy ate (it was so mundane I don't even remember it) then the elder said "Oh dear, my boy used to eat the dog food." and then filter less me jumps in with: "Well, mine at the dog's poop."  You could have heard a pin drop. Oh no! Once again I have shared too much! They both looked at me like I needed to have my head examined (and I probably do) and I then began the backpedal. After 3 customers in front of us had ushered through the line I was still trying to explain. I finally said to myself, "Screw it. Why do I care what these women think of my weird kid and horrible parenting skills?" This was just another prime example of the distinct feeling I get that lots of what he does is not "run of the mill." Someone PLEASE prove me wrong!

The Hubba thought this whole Pee Party was hilarious--go figure. Thank God the fe-mini sat this shower out because I don't think she would ever be able to look at him the same given her uber fairy-princess demeanor. For a split second I saw the light at the end of the Diaper Days tunnel and was trying to see this through my rose colored glasses because if this boy can point, aim and make a cup he can certainly hit a toilet. But then I quickly came back down to reality as my doctor told me "You can start training him now and he will be trained at 36 months or you can start training him at 35 months and he will be trained at 36 months." If he had just peed in the cup there would be a MUCH different dance that I'd be doing but being that he actually tried to drink it takes a bit of the wind out of my sails. I guess regardless of circumstance I am going to chalk this kid up to being hugely inquisitive, exploratory, interested, tactile and fearless. I guess I am just likening these actions to the likes of Johnny Knoxville & Bam Margera and wondering if I am going to be seeing him on some YouTube video years from now attempting some stunt or dare that no one on the block, in the city limits or on this side of the state line would even remotely consider. I suppose there is no point in worrying about it now but being the spaz that I am you know I will. If this is what Monday brings I really can't wait for Tuesday!