We were going through a spell of what I like to call "Senorita Sassy-Pants" a few weeks ago. These are times when there is just no getting through to her, every situation is a virtual catastrophe complete with an outrageous temper tantrum and she invariably gets some time to think about it in her room. I found that I was having to talk with the girl almost hourly because of her indiscretions and lippy mouth. She was being mean to her brother and not sharing very well so when dad came home we had a chat. Hubba was in the living room watching as I sat her down at the kitchen table and had a serious discussion about how she had been acting during the course of the day. I was also lining out how I expected her actions and words to change in order to keep things peaceful and without consequence. I went on in my wordy ways and explained precisely how I was hoping she would act to which she replied, “But mommy, what if that’s not how I roll?” I had to do a double take--did she just say "That's not how I ROLL!?" Hubba in the other room is turning purple because he is laughing so hard which makes me know that my ears weren't deceiving me. Every ounce of my being is focused on not laughing and this girl didn't so much as crack a smile. She wasn't trying to be "cute" or funny. She was just keeping it "real!" So then the mental Rolodex starts flipping through pages trying to figure out where she would ingest such a phrase. At last check Dora the Explorer wasn't breaking it down to her peeps with such words. Came up negative with Backyardigans and Elmo as well. I just find it super interesting that she hears f-bombs going off right and left, exploding with great wonder and twinkle and never tries that one on for size but has the capacity to hear "that's not how I roll" and runs like the wind with that one. I suppose I should be grateful instead of inquisitive and just leave it at that.
Then we were spending some kitchen time together last week; I was doing dishes and she was eating, of course. As she watched me complete my task, I could feel her keenly watching my every move. I could feel I was being microscopically studied but this is fairly commonplace for her. Finally after a few moments of silence, said silence is broken with her proclamation of, "Mom? I love you...even though you aren't perfect!" Wow! Um, thank you, I guess. Such knowledge at such a tender age. I wanted to ask, "What makes you think I am not perfect?" but a bigger part of me didn't really want to know what she truly thought. In a way I guess I should be grateful for this as well. Now I can really just "be me" without fear of letting the perfection cat out of the bag so to speak. I no longer have a facade to live up to. Whew! What a relief. A breath of fresh air, if you will! Oh and speaking of breath, earlier that day she had notified me that "whistling is a great way to make music without wasting valuable energy!" Again, astute observations of a 4 year old.
And my final tid bit of late was during a car ride to sign her and Boy Wonder up for kiddie gymnastics class. We were driving with the windows open, sun shining in, slight breeze--amazing Colorado weather. She and the boy were in the back seat soaking up the wonderment and taking in the views. Suddenly the girl chimes in with this statement: "Mommy, the Earth is the PERFECT place to live!" I gave it some thought and agreed that in all of her planetary knowledge she was making a good point--the Earth is pretty perfect. I also gave reverence to the fact that she was noting that "life" was perfect and she was a pretty happy human. Now this is not entirely due to the living situation that her dad and I have provided but in part it is. I guess I was just happy that she was happy. So I took this as a compliment--hey, I take them where I can get them especially considering the harsh reality of the statement in the paragraph above! No sooner had she finished this thought, when she jumped into an opposing mind set. She toiled, "But mommy, I don't know what I want to do or what I want to be!" Is this girl really already consuming her mind with thoughts of occupation and life's purpose? I couldn't believe this to be so. I inquired, "Do you mean you don't know what you are going to do for a job when you grow up?" to which she affirmed. Wow. A little early for this talk but I'll run with it. I simply assured her that it was OK that she didn't know what she wanted to be and that she had plenty of time and opportunity to try all kinds of different things and see what she liked best and what she was best at doing. I then thought further and admitted out loud "Honey, I'm not even sure what I'M going to be and I am 34 years old!" She thought about that for a quick minute, let the words settle into her bones and suddenly, as though sunshine was coming directly from her mouth and all of the hope, aspiration, and faith in the universe were bursting from her soul said "You're gonna be SOMETHING!" I could literally HEAR the smile, confidence, marvel and optimism spewing from her body with the firm and undeniable belief that her mom was "gonna be something!"
It was then that I realized, even though she doesn't believe me to be perfect she believes me to be something. That something is not small or inconsequential. That something is REAL, it's tangible and it is powerful. The hope that our children have for us is as strong as the hope they have for themselves. As much as they want to have purpose and fulfillment in their lives they want us to have the same. Our purpose and effort in life accentuates their meaning, gives purpose to their existence. So while we do what we do every day for our kids I believe it goes deeper than that. When we strive for excellence and give the best that we have to give, they see this. They are able to acknowledge that what they are seeing is not perfection but true and genuine perseverance. So while I was agonizing a few blogs back ("Who is THAT?") at the fact that my life as I knew it (pre-kids) was over when I look more closely I realize that it is only just the beginning! What a revelation...and what a relief!
Happy Tuesday! Hope it is filled with genuine perseverance!
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