Turd Burglar!

I don't know how but it seems like a great many of the shenanigans in this house start with a shower.  Last night was another prime example.  I guess I like showering with the kids because it is a time saver...we all get squeaky clean simultaneous and then I am not forced to go into the Bathtub Wars with them.  It's getting to the point where there is as much water outside the tub as there is in it.  So opting for the shower seems like the easy resolve. 

I say the word "shower" and they both run with freakish speed to the bathroom and start stripping off clothes.  The male mini still isn't outta diapers though he isn't quite 2 yet so I suppose that is normal.  Hubba Hubba was kind enough to assist the venture yesterday and offered to disrobe him.  I'm workin on de-clothing the female, warming the water, preparing the washcloths...

Upon removal of the boy pants Hubba asks the kid if he pooped.  He says "ya" then quickly changes his answer to "no"...this back and forth is not uncommon as he is still working on grasping the English language.  We give little thought to it.  Hubba makes a bold gesture and proceeds with the removal...nothing really to write home about other than the coined phrase of my cousin--a "fart blossom."  In layman's terms, this is nothing more than a colorful addition to the diaper which did not actually leave physical evidence.  Previously known as the "skid mark."  That being said, he gives the boy the all-clear.

Hop into the shower and get all soaked and warm.  The kids are playing with their toys, splashing and such, when I suddenly get a glimpse out of the corner of my eye...NO...it couldn't be...it IS!!!  Almost immediately the other occupants notice what I notice and we all take a half of a step back from "it."  The three of us stood there in awe of this specimen for longer than a moment.  I, all the while, wondering what the hell to do.  I've been told you can pee in a shower but this?  This must be unfounded territory.  I am not willing to succumb to my urge to whoosh it down the drain as it makes me throw up a little in my mouth just considering such.  I am half tempted to yell for the "Customs Agent" who cleared this young fellow fit for showering and tell him he has some work to do on his nether region frisking, noting that we have a turd burglar in our midst and there has been a breech of security in the area of smuggling.  I hold my tongue. 

There is a tangible change of mood in the shower and the female variety starts to panic.  She has searched her mental Rolodex and has in fact positively identified the nugget on the floor.  There is no doubt in her 3 year old mind that she is standing amongst poo and she is NOT pleased.  She is clearly not comforted by the fact that she is surrounded by both water and soap.  This means nothing to her.  There is a niblet in her presence and something needs to be done about it.  I can honestly say I don't blame her as I am still debating a call to Customs and for some reason can't bring myself to touch.  Wipe the kids bottom no less than 3 times a day but somehow this is different.  The boy just looks at it like any boy would.  Minor inconvenience but nothing to get your panties in a bunch over.  Then I realize he may start looking at it like he does most kernerbals on the floor...as food fare.  I decide Customs is out of the question and I am going to have to make a go of it on my own.

I gingerly stepped out, soaking wet, and grabbed the toilet paper.  If you've never grabbed toilet paper while your drenched give it a shot and see how well said paper stays together.  That, in and of itself was a challenge.  But I unrolled a handful and scooped up the excreta for disposal all the while to the tune of the feminine "Ewwwwww! Chase pooped!" 

It was a lovely experience.  Luckily it was a quicker "clean up" than I am used to as previously mentioned we were surrounded by soap and water.  But bringing the story full-circle, I have to say the whole endeavor left me to wondering if I was really being judicious with time as there was now just as much water OUT of the shower as there was in it ever reminding me that as a parent, just when you think you're getting the hang of it and you've got yourself a system, someone tells you the truth!