Deep Thoughts...

Have you ever looked at your child, or any child for that matter, and knew for a fact they are just hearing a different tune between their ears? I get that feeling about the fe-mini from time to time. Maybe it's because she busts out in dance at inopportune moments when there is clearly no music playing or perhaps it's just the little things she says. Lately she has been pulling out some whoppers...

We were going through a spell of  what I like to call "Senorita Sassy-Pants" a few weeks ago. These are times when there is just no getting through to her, every situation is a virtual catastrophe complete with an outrageous temper tantrum and she invariably gets some time to think about it in her room. I found that I was having to talk with the girl almost hourly because of her indiscretions and lippy mouth. She was being mean to her brother and not sharing very well so when dad came home we had a chat. Hubba was in the living room watching as I sat her down at the kitchen table and had a serious discussion  about how she had been acting during the course of the day. I was also lining out how I expected her actions and words to change in order to keep things peaceful and without consequence. I went on in my wordy ways and explained precisely how I was hoping she would act to which she replied, “But mommy, what if that’s not how I roll?” I had to do a double take--did she just say "That's not how I ROLL!?" Hubba in the other room is turning purple because he is laughing so hard which makes me know that my ears weren't deceiving me. Every ounce of my being is focused on not laughing and this girl didn't so much as crack a smile. She wasn't trying to be "cute" or funny. She was just keeping it "real!" So then the mental Rolodex starts flipping through pages trying to figure out where she would ingest such a phrase. At last check Dora the Explorer wasn't breaking it down to her peeps with such words. Came up negative with Backyardigans and Elmo as well. I just find it super interesting that she hears f-bombs going off right and left, exploding with great wonder and twinkle and never tries that one on for size but has the capacity to hear "that's not how I roll" and runs like the wind with that one. I suppose I should be grateful instead of inquisitive and just leave it at that.

Then we were spending some kitchen time together last week; I was doing dishes and she was eating, of course. As she watched me complete my task, I could feel her keenly watching my every move. I could feel I was being microscopically studied but this is fairly commonplace for her. Finally after a few moments of silence, said silence is broken with her proclamation of, "Mom? I love you...even though you aren't perfect!" Wow! Um, thank you, I guess. Such knowledge at such a tender age. I wanted to ask, "What makes you think I am not perfect?" but a bigger part of me didn't really want to know what she truly thought. In a way I guess I should be grateful for this as well. Now I can really just "be me" without fear of letting the perfection cat out of the bag so to speak. I no longer have a facade to live up to. Whew! What a relief. A breath of fresh air, if you will! Oh and speaking of breath, earlier that day she had notified me that "whistling is a great way to make music without wasting valuable energy!" Again, astute observations of a 4 year old.

And my final tid bit of late was during a car ride to sign her and Boy Wonder up for kiddie gymnastics class.  We were driving with the windows open, sun shining in, slight breeze--amazing Colorado weather. She and the boy were in the back seat soaking up the wonderment and taking in the views. Suddenly the girl chimes in with this statement: "Mommy, the Earth is the PERFECT place to live!" I gave it some thought and agreed that in all of her planetary knowledge she was making a good point--the Earth is pretty perfect. I also gave reverence to the fact that she was noting that "life" was perfect and she was a pretty happy human. Now this is not entirely due to the living situation that her dad and I have provided but in part it is. I guess I was just happy that she was happy. So I took this as a compliment--hey, I take them where I can get them especially considering the harsh reality of the statement in the paragraph above! No sooner had she finished this thought, when she jumped into an opposing mind set. She toiled, "But mommy, I don't know what I want to do or what I want to be!" Is this girl really already consuming her mind with thoughts of occupation and life's purpose? I couldn't believe this to be so. I inquired, "Do you mean you don't know what you are going to do for a job when you grow up?" to which she affirmed. Wow. A little early for this talk but I'll run with it. I simply assured her that it was OK that she didn't know what she wanted to be and that she had plenty of time and opportunity to try all kinds of different things and see what she liked best and what she was best at doing. I then thought further and admitted out loud "Honey, I'm not even sure what I'M going to be and I am 34 years old!" She thought about that for a quick minute, let the words settle into her bones and suddenly, as though sunshine was coming directly from her mouth and all of the hope, aspiration, and faith in the universe were bursting from her soul said "You're gonna be SOMETHING!" I could literally HEAR the smile, confidence, marvel and optimism spewing from her body with the firm and undeniable belief that her mom was "gonna be something!"

It was then that I realized, even though she doesn't believe me to be perfect she believes me to be something. That something is not small or inconsequential. That something is REAL, it's tangible and it is powerful. The hope that our children have for us is as strong as the hope they have for themselves. As much as they want to have purpose and fulfillment in their lives they want us to have the same. Our purpose and effort in life accentuates their meaning, gives purpose to their existence. So while we do what we do every day for our kids I believe it goes deeper than that. When we strive for excellence and give the best that we have to give, they see this. They are able to acknowledge that what they are seeing is not perfection but true and genuine perseverance. So while I was agonizing a few blogs back ("Who is THAT?") at the fact that my life as I knew it (pre-kids) was over when I look more closely I realize that it is only just the beginning! What a revelation...and what a relief!

Happy Tuesday! Hope it is filled with genuine perseverance!

Bio-Food Breakdown

A couple of months ago I wrote about some recent discoveries involving my food sensitivities and I just wanted to write a bit again about my experience with this and how things have progressed.

I woke up exactly 30 days after starting this whole journey and literally felt like a new person. 30 days honestly felt more like a year! I guess I didn't anticipate things being that hard and feeling THAT bad. But again, I guess it just goes to show how bad my eating and digestion had gotten over the past 34 years! It felt like a fog has been lifted and like I had been given a new ability to process and I can honestly say that things have continued to get better and better as the weeks have gone on.

I never knew food could have such a big impact but in saying this I feel naive and stupid because why wouldn't food have this large of an impact? Why wouldn't it be the single most important factor in my health? As I have read many times over, you don't put crap fuel in a Ferrari. Now, please don't think that I am comparing my body to the beauty of a Ferrari but I AM comparing it to the importance. I think it would cost about as much to fix one of my "engine parts" as it would to fix a Ferrari so the comparison is relational. I guess a more accurate analogy would be, "You wouldn't put unleaded fuel in a diesel engine." My point is I am just surprised that more doctors aren't emphasizing this in their health protocols. No, it's not easy to pay attention to what you eat--especially after YEARS of throwing garbage down the gullet...not to mention booze, pills and all the other crap that we ingest unwittingly--but even if it's not easy it is essential. I would think convincing a patient to embark on a food overhaul would/should be a lot easier than convincing them to undergo gastric bypass. But as it has been pointed out to me, doctors aren't here to keep us in tip-top, they are just making sure we don't die. The rest is really up to us. And PLEASE tell me where it is written that life is supposed to be easy! I beg to know who got this bright idea and passed it along to the masses. I surely know I was never told this but somebody somewhere was and the word spread like wildfire. I guess that since I have now seen at my own hand that things can change, be different, and be leap years better all with the slightest bit of planning, restraint, will power and effort it makes me wonder why this "way" is not being promoted and urged by more health care professionals regardless of its lack of ease. So that is my soap box on that matter.

All this to say is that at the month marker of changed habits, it stopped being hard. I am over the devastation and grief of losing the foods I once loved and have moved into acceptance and love of the new. The most interesting part of this whole thing is that once I eliminated all of the offending foods, reset my system and evicted the criminals within I have now established a new response to disagreeable digestives. I have tried so many new things and quickly know if I have crossed something that my body does not operate on. The reaction was one that truly surprised me, however. On more than one occasion I have made and consumed specific foods which were clearly not meant to be in my bloodstream. On each occasion my body responded as though it was drunk. It was the WEIRDEST thing. I would get super tired and pass out. Then I would wake up a few hours later feeling dizzy, the room spinning. Fully equipped with headache, dry mouth, diarrhea and nausea...seriously as though I had polished off a fifth of whiskey! One night I woke to go to the bathroom and actually ran face-first into the wall. I kid you not, I don't think I could have passed a field sobriety test and I did not have so much as a sip of any alcohol. This illustrated to me that just because certain foods might be considered "healthy" or "good" it doesn't mean that this applies to everyone. My take home message here is that each of us has our own set of foods that our bodies operate best on--our own personal "Bio-Foods." In my case the food I was eating was causing intestinal bleeding! I recognized the blood stoppage about 2 weeks into my detox. I was just floored that these foods I was ingesting were doing that much harm.

My stomach hasn't been the only thing to improve. I've noticed that my skin is clearer (that pesky spot of psoriasis which I have had for as long as I can remember is GONE!) my energy has sky rocketed and my mood in general has just flipped. It honestly feels like someone else is now occupying my body and mind. I had gotten so accustomed to feeling like crap that this "new me" feels like a stranger in a strange land. Before this overhaul I would say that I was depressive. At the very least HIGHLY sensitive and excessively moody--perpetual PMS. I now feel like I am even-keel, way more easy going and so much kinder! Could this be the key to happy living? Throw out the Prozac and instill a bio-diet?

This whole thing has been so intriguing for me that just for shits and giggles (no pun intended) I decided to try taking my daughter off wheat too (wheat was my biggest allergen.) A friend of mine suggested that this hideousness is hereditary and I figured with my gal's digestive dilemmas that we have been struggling with for the past 2 years it was worth a shot. After being off the stuff she is now a "Regular Rita"...What was once an "every-3-day-endeavor" is now as the good Lord intended--on the DAILY! She no longer cries, bleeds, strains or argues about going to the bathroom. She just goes and shuts up about it. I have to say that I was both shocked and relieved. The simple removal of one food item brought the tension and worry regarding her poop schedule to a screeching halt! What once was a daily predicament of rolling around on her bed, crying, whining, "Mommy I don't want to go potty. It huuuurts!" is now an in-and-out mission with no tears, tummy massages or struggle. What used to be a literal pain in the ass is no longer so. I ask every time, "Did it hurt?" to which she peeps, "No mommy, not at all! It felt great!" and then, of course I get the full-on break down of the entire scenario. She'll say "Look! Just 3 dollops and none of them hurt." And there I go with "too much information..."

I suppose all of this may borderline on too much information. But my thought is that I am probably not the only one out there who has felt like physical crap and has issues with digestion. I just never knew there was another alternative. I just kind of figured I was doomed to feel like crap when eating forever. It never occurred to me that I could be eating the wrong things. Exhaustion? Isn't EVERY mother of 2 midgety midgets exhausted? Shockingly the answer to that is "No." Now I am actually capable of chasing Chase! I don't wake up wanting to go back to sleep anymore. I don't hit that wall again at 4pm and want to turn in for the night. I sleep like a normal person and have the energy of a normal person. Who knew a mom was allowed to have energy? :)

To be fair, I won't blame ALL of my problems on the food I was eating. They also found that I had some fairly significant, not-so-lovely bacteria in my gut which has since been remedied with simple supplements. I suppose I can thank essential vitamin balance for my transformation as well. Either way, my life has, once again, changed. I am now eating to live, instead of living to eat--what a difference. Food is fuel, not fixation. And even though change is strange it's better than never knowing what is on the other side. Here's to discovery, courage to change and willingness of abandonment. Only when we abandon everything we fear are we free to become the person we were intended to be!

For more information about the food sensitivity test please visit: http://www.nowleap.com/
For more information about the supplements/vitamins please visit: http://us.cpoliquin.com/?Click=1076