Did she REALLY just say that?

Ok so it took me a minute to decide if I wanted to share this or not because I still feel awkward recalling the details but alas I wouldn't be true to myself if I kept something like this within so here goes:

Now I must set the stage for the situation and throw "benefit of the doubt" into the equation...I was with "The Moose" yesterday grocery shopping as he is continuing to drink us out of house and home in regard to milk. (60+ ounces/day for anyone wondering) I knew if I didn't get another gallon ASAP heads would fly. So, while waiting in the check out line (which was going slower than normal) I noticed that the boy was jonesin for his smack so against my better judgement I broke down and opened the gallon right there in the line. Topped off the kid's cup and sheepishly placed the gallon back on the conveyor. The woman in front of me obviously sensed my discomfort with my decision as I do believe I had "White Trash" written all over my face from the faux pas. And being that I was shopping in Boulder I honestly felt a little trashier than normal about the choice. ANYWAY, so as she is noticing this she decided to calm my fears and make me feel better about the situation by sharing a little something of her own experience (insert aforementioned "benefit" here). She proceeded to say "Oh girl, don't even worry about that! I can't tell you how many times I opened a gallon of milk in the store for my kids." Whew! I think the color is returning to my face and I am feeling a bit more at ease. Then she proceeds, "Ya know when my kids would finally get their cup in their hands and put it to their lips, their eyes would seriously roll back in their heads! I swear, milk is like SEX for them!" Silence. Ummm....uhhhh....yaaaaa. Did you really just say that out loud? Am I hallucinating? We are STILL in public, right? I looked at the checker and got no help. I then replayed the conversation in my mind hoping for a clue that would illustrate that I had actually welcomed that kind of information. I looked at her again to make sure that I didn't actually KNOW her. All of these efforts came up fruitless. So am I wrong? Is this a totally inappropriate tid bit to share with a complete stranger in the line of the grocery in front of other respirating human beings or is it just me? Am I turning into a prude without my knowledge? This CAN'T be the case. Perhaps in another couple of years I will have so little modesty that I will be sharing the same story with someone I don't know, thereby making that person and any other individual within ear shot completely uncomfortable? I sure hope not, but I am quickly learning in life to "Never say never." Perhaps I have already crossed said line by sharing this story and NUMEROUS others that were never meant to leave the confines of my mind & home with you people? Someone please set me straight! I've somehow ended up in the Twilight Zone...

The Mother Bowl

I've been thinking that there should be some sort of competition for mom's...we always complain about all of our laundry, dishes, diaper changing, vacuuming, etc...why don't we put these "skills" to the test.  You'd have to argue me pretty hard to convince me that these items aren't a work out.  If done with speed and precision they are enough to spend the caloric intake of one day.  We have the Super Bowl to determine the most adept football team...I think the Mother Bowl could determine the most adept mom...or at least the most spastic.  My proposed events are clothes sorting/folding, diaper changing, dishwasher loading, floor mopping, vacuuming, little girl hair brushing, diaper bag packing...this could really be the Olympics of Motherhood. Please submit your event suggestions.  Truly, I don't think I would be the victor of any of the aforementioned categories but I think it would be fun to watch a bunch of crazy women in action, doing what they do best and getting recognized for their "Stupid Human Tricks."  I'm envisioning a "Wipe-Out"esque type of arrangement.  All those interested submit your entry form today! :)

You can take the "dress" out of the girl...

But you can't take the girl out of the dress!  This has to be some sort of record.  I have lost accurate count but I would have to say that my midget has successfully worn the same Barbie dress (at least for a portion of each day) for the last 2 weeks.  She alternates this Barbie number with her fancy Christmas attire from last year which is black velvet and insanely inappropriate for most all occasions other than a Christmas party! 

So back to the Barbie number--some days it is on dawn to dusk.  Others she actually sleeps in the thing.  It is GROSS.  It has been worn to school and laden in marker.  The bottom portion has been stepped on, sat on, dragged & successfully torn.  Worn to dinner, the grocery, the sand box...you name it, she's worn it there and it has accumulated a little bit of each place on its person. This is getting a little embarrassing.  On one hand I think, pick your battles.  But on the other hand I am weary that she may be losing friends because of her obsession with this gown.  She wears the matching plastic heels as well and has successfully cracked both of them to the point of no longer being safe for everyday wear...I truly don't think they were ever actually SAFE to wear but that is a different story altogether.  Any child-sized, elevated footwear for a 3 year old has to be taken into serious question.  And I digress.  I guess I simply must hope that the immanent cold weather months will change her fixation to another article of clothing.  Perhaps there will be some colossal breech of etiquette or decorum and I will be "forced" to remove said "ensemble," as she has come to call it, and confiscate it until she forgets it ever existed?  Is this possible?  Could she ever forget about something so beloved?  A mom can hope!

Full Moon Be Damned!

Don't know why or how this phenomena works but I swear it is in full effect under this roof.  The kids have been, as Mya says, BUCK WILD all day long.  Chase has been a terror...disobeying truly EVERY request presented to him.  And Miss Thang has decided to take cue and lose her mind as well.  Dad even lost it for a quick minute.  Frankly, I think I am the only one in the house at this point who has not been affected by the lunar lunacy!  And I must say that this is a first as I am generally the one to have my panties in a bunch and be snarky & short-fused...I'm beginning to think I may be a witch?  After the evening of insanity that was sealed with Mya screaming at the top of her lungs, she finally settles down enough to say to me "Mommy, I'm so sorry that I disappointed you.  I'll be better next time." Seriously?  You're pulling THAT one out on me?  The problem is I don't even think she knows how to "use" this phrase in the manipulative sense. I am forced to believe that this may very well have been an honest, heart-felt apology.  So now I am only left to sit here and feel like Joan Crawford.  How the hell did that happen?  Curses & good night!

Dear Mommy...

Dear Mommy-

I'm writing to let you know that I have put your coffee cup in the dryer.  I am hoping that you find it before your next load...or not.

Love,

Chase

Yesterday continued...

Was having a great chat with my girl Flooze, just arriving home from a long day of errands and pre-school madness, literally JUST walked in the door (mid-diaper change) when I hear a knock on the front door loud enough to be the PO-LICE!  About dropped the phone (and the kid).  Got the wherewithal to actually END my phone chat (I know this in and of itself is SHOCKING) and then ran to get the door.  Got half way out of the baby's room and realized he was still on the changing table with a diaper half on.  Another knock.  GRRR!  So I rush back to the changing table, finish the deed, scoop up the kid and run to the door only to find our new neighbor with Child #1 (The Titin Dog) in tow along with their 100 pound pooch that can only be described as a small horse.  Evidently he had escaped in the hub bub and decided to run amok.  Just further evidence of how far I still have to go in actually achieving "order."

Birthday Candle Crumble

While enjoying Rob's birthday cake last night, we all took a moment to look over at Chase.  He seemed not to touch his piece but was also working painstakingly hard on the morsel in his mouth.  Rob kept offering him bites, all which were denied.  I mean, what kid turns down MORE bites of cake?  I had never seen this before.  So we finally just left him alone...and was it ever a good thing.  The little garbage disposal finally hocked up a large, discombobulated pile of red.  Lo and behold we finally realized that he had, in fact, swiped a lonely birthday candle and decided that it was fair fare!  Who eats the candles?  I have never seen ANY kid eat the candles.  There is CAKE in front of you!  Why are you messing with the candles?  You have sugar, frosting--just delectable goodness--sitting right in front of you for the taking and you choose WAX instead?  So we removed the masticated glob from in front of his plate, retired it to the trash, explained that candles are NOT for consumption and went on with our cake-eating.  So how does he retort?  He reaches for another dam candle!  I think I will struggle with this one for awhile.

This is what was left!