I spent almost the entirety of last week working my ass off to heal my children's eye goo. I ran around the house with a damp rag and eye drops, swarming them at every given opportunity. When I was able to pin one of them down and complete the mission, I would jump up (in victory, of course) run to the nearest sink, wash my hands vigorously and proceed to kill any remaining bacteria with hand sanitizer. If I touched ANYTHING near their faces, same drill. I washed sheets multiple times, pillowcases, every stitch of clothing that had been worn, touched or even looked at (because you know if you LOOK at something whilst cursed with pink eye, that object is now infected) Wash cloths, towels, rugs, stuffed animals, books, door knobs...you name it, I disinfected it.
By mid-week I was gloating! I was so proud that I was kicking this thing in its teeth and managing to remain pink eye free. At one point it even breezed though my mind (jokingly, of course and at the risk of being sacrilegious) that I was like Mother Teresa in a leper colony. That was the thought that probably did me in. The proverbial nail in the coffin, if you will...
The Hubba surprised me Friday morning with a note on the kitchen table telling me that he had previously arranged for our niece to come out that day and watch the kids while we had an early surprise Valentine's night together. A whole night alone with my husband complete with dinner and an overnight stay at the fancy St. Julien in Boulder. WOW! WHAT a surprise. All this to say is that this man is just too good to me and I have literally hit the "Spousal Lottery." Being that this was an ultra special night I wanted to look super fancy schmancy and went the whole nine yards--at this point in my life my definition of "the whole nine yards" is characterized by the fact that I actually put on make-up! Now since I rarely wear make-up anymore when I actually do it's quite a nuisance. It seems that my eyes have acclimated to NOT having mascara on them and when they actually do get graced with the goods strange things happen. Eyelashes retaliate and start falling out right and left...probably because I am so preoccupied with the shit on them that I am messing with my face and touching them profusely. They itch and irritate and are just generally a pain in the ass...the lengths we women go to in order to look good for our men. And when I do don the optic decorative I find that I spend the next 2 days trying to remove it. It doesn't come off nicely with one wash in the shower. I invariably am called to duty when I reach for the eye make up remover so I walk around looking like a raccoon until the next shower opportunity. And when this cleansing comes there is some vigorous scrubbing and high contact leading to further shedding of the lashes. It's a wonder I don't have bald lids after such madness.
And this is where things go awry. In my flurry of linen washing and disinfecting I happened to nicely wrap up a sheet that was on the little lady's bed. I tucked it away in the laundry room in the most unsuspecting of ways. Truthfully I should have put yellow caution tape around it and put it in a bio hazard bag but we were fresh out of those. So as I am finishing up the last of the laundry for the weekend I toss the sheet in the wash without a second thought. Shortly after a pesky lash made its way into my eyeball and needed to be retrieved. Without even thinking I jumped right in with my middle finger for acquisition and the rest is history. Within hours the symptoms set in. At first I was in a fair bit of denial. But about 2 hours before bed I made the confession to the Hubba. He gasped "WHAT!? Noooo!" and vaguely looked at me like a leper--like a leper that I had previously been impervious to--I was now "one of them." There was a physical distance growing between us. He didn't realize it but I sure did. He took at least one step back (even though he was clear on the other side of the room) He said "How do you know? Are you sure!?"... "Ummm, YA I am sure." I've pulled about as much snot out of my eye in the last 2 hours as I've pulled out of either kids nose in the past week. I'm surely sure!
So now it starts ALL over. The incessant washing, disinfecting, laundry, neurosis...my hands are already on the verge of bleeding from washing them so much in an effort NOT to get this crap and so it begins again. I now must try to ensure that I don't return said nastiness to my kids or pass it along to the hubby. Sheets, towels, clothing, oh my! It feels like an epidemic has struck and there is no end in sight. I have already started using the kids' eye drops (at the suggestion of my daughter) though I am not certain they are of maximum effectiveness for adults. And so the journey continues. Can I make it through another week? Will my epidermis survive? Will I need skin grafting when this whole endeavor is complete? Will this contamination make its way over to the other side of my face? Will I give my Hubba a Valentine of his own in the form of a bleeding red eye just in time for his business trip? Will the dog contract it like last time and keep the circle of love in full effect for yet another week? All these questions and more to be answered at a later date. But for now, with 100% certainty I can raise my hand cause I'm SURE! I'm positive. Woke up feeling like I was part of a horror film, eyes sewn shut and unable to see the light of day, sure that the body snatchers had taken what was within and used them for martini garnish. Luckily that was just my imagination getting the best of me and in actuality it was only the curse of the Pink Eye! Happy Monday & Happy Valentine's :0)
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